Hey Mom,
I’ve been avoiding sitting down
to write this because in all honesty I didn’t want to deal with all the
emotions that are flowing through me right now.
But this is something I need to do. I needed to tell you again how much I love
you. How amazing you are and how much I’m going to miss you.
First of all I want to thank you
for a few things.
1. Thank you for teaching me to have a relationship
with God!!
You not only took me to church and
youth group but you let me in on your relationship with God. The doubts, the
struggles, you taught me how to forgive and how to apologize. Even in your last days you were checking in
with me telling me about your devotions and what you were learning for the
first time at 71. But most of all Mom you allowed me to form my own
relationship with God. When I was being a rebellious teen and when I was older
and was choosing the world and myself over him you didn’t shun me or judge me.
You didn’t ignore it either, no you prayed for me you loved me and you pointed
me to him.
2. Thank you for adopting me.
Just over 36 years ago you and
Dad took me in at 3 days old. You weren’t allowed to meet my birthparents, you
received limited details about where I came from but you took me in and you
loved me just as you loved Chris. The thing is I never felt unloved or
different. You also realized that I was different from you and Dad but instead
of trying to make me like you, the encouragement was to be who God made me to
be. You never spoke negatively about my birth family but instead would tell me
that if I ever met them you wanted to meet them and thank them for giving me to
you. Then when the time came that I did meet them you did exactly what you said
you would do.
3. Thank you for putting us first.
As I read through the Obituary that Dad wrote I was reminded again about
what an amazing, intelligent and talented woman you were. You had so many gifts
and abilities. You could have done anything you set your mind to. Time and Time
again you proved this. Whether as a young woman playing tennis and stirring up
mischief. To graduating from college, running political campaigns, trailblazing
the integration of special needs children into the public schools. The list
goes on and on. But most of all you were a loving wife an amazing mom and an
awesome Grandma. You always put us first and when other opportunities would
come even if they were in line with your greatest passions and interests you
didn’t even hesitate in choosing us.
4. Thank you for loving my wife and kids.
The hardest conversation of my
life was when you and I had to have a heart to heart and I told you that if I
ever had to choose between you and Heidi that you needed to know I choose
Heidi. I was worried that though we needed to have that talk I may have lost
you. You were hurt and you took some time to process it but then you came back
to me and told me I had made the right choice. You poured out your love on Heidi
and the kids and pursued individual relationships with each of them while
respecting us as a couple. In the last year especially I think you actually
talked to Heidi more than you talked with me. Every single one of them misses
you mom. They are all dealing with it in their own way and we are processing
through this together, but I want you to know that every single one of them
knows you loved them and that as we Buettners roll nothing was left unsaid or
undealt with.
Now that some of that’s been said, and trust me I'm thankful
for so much more, I need to say a few more things!
Mom I miss you. I've caught myself
picking up the phone to call or starting a text and deleting it half way
through. As you know I've always been one who excels in crisis, but you finally got
me stumped. I'm leaning on Heidi a bunch, and our church and friends have been great, but this is so freaking hard.
Chris is hanging with us till the funeral and though we thought we
were helping him out I think he`s been the one that’s been the most grounded.
Every once in a while he tells me `` I miss Mommy!!`` That usually gets anyone
in a 2 mile radius crying but then I ask him
Me: "where is mommy?"
Chris: "Heaven, With Jack Holderness, GaGa, Grandpa, Grandma, Cedrick!"
We cry a bit then he sits down
with the kids and plays with them or watches a show with them. Mom you should
have seen him jumping on the trampoline and throwing around the football. The
kids are trying to teach him about mine craft and this rubber band loom thing. I do have to confess though that we are
finally trying out a goatee on him and are attempting to expand his Palette a
bit. You’d be so proud of him Mom he’s doing great.
Well Mom I’m going to shut up a
bit now don’t worry I’ll write again soon. And Dads going to be fine too, his
brothers and sister have stepped up and are with him, we will see them in a
week so they can’t get into too much trouble. Who am I kidding, you and I both
know I’m just waiting for a phone call needing to bail them out. (love ya
guys!) Tell God that I understand why
he took you home, he decided to brighten up the place a bit. But I could have
used some more time with you here, good thing we've got eternity together, Eh!!
Your loving Son,
Corlin
Francis Buettner
