A Letter to my Mom!!

Hey Mom,

I’ve been avoiding sitting down to write this because in all honesty I didn’t want to deal with all the emotions that are flowing through me right now.  But this is something I need to do.  I needed to tell you again how much I love you. How amazing you are and how much I’m going to miss you.  

First of all I want to thank you for a few things.

1.  Thank you for teaching me to have a relationship with God!!

You not only took me to church and youth group but you let me in on your relationship with God. The doubts, the struggles, you taught me how to forgive and how to apologize.  Even in your last days you were checking in with me telling me about your devotions and what you were learning for the first time at 71. But most of all Mom you allowed me to form my own relationship with God. When I was being a rebellious teen and when I was older and was choosing the world and myself over him you didn’t shun me or judge me. You didn’t ignore it either, no you prayed for me you loved me and you pointed me to him.

2.  Thank you for adopting me.

Just over 36 years ago you and Dad took me in at 3 days old. You weren’t allowed to meet my birthparents, you received limited details about where I came from but you took me in and you loved me just as you loved Chris. The thing is I never felt unloved or different. You also realized that I was different from you and Dad but instead of trying to make me like you, the encouragement was to be who God made me to be. You never spoke negatively about my birth family but instead would tell me that if I ever met them you wanted to meet them and thank them for giving me to you. Then when the time came that I did meet them you did exactly what you said you would do.

3.   Thank you for putting us first.

As I read through the Obituary that Dad wrote I was reminded again about what an amazing, intelligent and talented woman you were. You had so many gifts and abilities. You could have done anything you set your mind to. Time and Time again you proved this. Whether as a young woman playing tennis and stirring up mischief. To graduating from college, running political campaigns, trailblazing the integration of special needs children into the public schools. The list goes on and on. But most of all you were a loving wife an amazing mom and an awesome Grandma. You always put us first and when other opportunities would come even if they were in line with your greatest passions and interests you didn’t even hesitate in choosing us.

4.  Thank you for loving my wife and kids.

The hardest conversation of my life was when you and I had to have a heart to heart and I told you that if I ever had to choose between you and Heidi that you needed to know I choose Heidi. I was worried that though we needed to have that talk I may have lost you. You were hurt and you took some time to process it but then you came back to me and told me I had made the right choice. You poured out your love on Heidi and the kids and pursued individual relationships with each of them while respecting us as a couple. In the last year especially I think you actually talked to Heidi more than you talked with me. Every single one of them misses you mom. They are all dealing with it in their own way and we are processing through this together, but I want you to know that every single one of them knows you loved them and that as we Buettners roll nothing was left unsaid or undealt with.

Now that some of that’s been said, and trust me I'm thankful for so much more, I need to say a few more things!

        Mom I miss you. I've caught myself picking up the phone to call or starting a text and deleting it half way through. As you know I've always been one who excels in crisis, but you finally got me stumped. I'm leaning on Heidi a bunch, and our church and friends have been great, but this is so freaking hard.

        Chris is hanging with us till the funeral and though we thought we were helping him out I think he`s been the one that’s been the most grounded. Every once in a while he tells me `` I miss Mommy!!`` That usually gets anyone in a 2 mile radius crying but then I ask him

Me: "where is mommy?"
Chris: "Heaven, With Jack Holderness, GaGa, Grandpa, Grandma, Cedrick!"

We cry a bit then he sits down with the kids and plays with them or watches a show with them. Mom you should have seen him jumping on the trampoline and throwing around the football. The kids are trying to teach him about mine craft and this rubber band loom thing.  I do have to confess though that we are finally trying out a goatee on him and are attempting to expand his Palette a bit. You’d be so proud of him Mom he’s doing great.

Well Mom I’m going to shut up a bit now don’t worry I’ll write again soon. And Dads going to be fine too, his brothers and sister have stepped up and are with him, we will see them in a week so they can’t get into too much trouble. Who am I kidding, you and I both know  I’m just waiting for a phone call needing to bail them out. (love ya guys!)   Tell God that I understand why he took you home, he decided to brighten up the place a bit. But I could have used some more time with you here, good thing we've got eternity together, Eh!!

Your loving Son,

            Corlin Francis Buettner